It's too bad they didn't go with the original idea: Tom Hanks in Conan- Sleepless in Mongolia

Well, let's just say that we, Sid the Elf, were not impressed by Conan the Barbarian. This movie was a chick flick in a thin disguise. There was even the cheesiest death scene in movie history when Arnold's butter-face got iced. We gathered from reading some of the reviews of the Dungeons and Dragons losers that loved this movie that Conan was a book once upon a time. It could have only been one of those cheap novels they have at the checkout lines in supermarkets because this crap was a bad romance novel. In fact, the only people Sid can imagine liking this movie are girls. Or, maybe men seeking men in your beloved chat rooms. Dorks.

Arnold is in the middle of his three injections a day and dips on props in between takes stage of his career, and he runs around all movie without a shirt. Perfect for sweetie pies. There was a complete lack of anything cool in this movie with the exception of a few beheadings, and the fact that the dude from Spinal Tap made a cameo. This was certainly not the Arnold we've come to know and love. Another reason these nerds loved this movie so much is because it reminded them of Star Wars because Darth Vader played the villan again. Oh boy! So, if you're an Arnold fan and want to see how he started his career, just be glad it got off the ground to give you Predator, Total Recall, and Comando and ask no further questions. We are just glad we didn't start off our Arnold viewings with this one or we would have never been lucky enough to decide on his classics. Stay far away! And if you do rent this one, when you return it to your local video store, scream "He's gone! The evil's gone from here!"

The real edition...

If you're a fan of Conan the Barbarian, as I am, you probably find it as disheartening as I do that the only version of this classic that is normally available on DVD is the May, 2000 release, the so called "collector's edition". The collector's edition has a host of bells and whistles including a documentary about the making of the film, deleted scenes, and commentary by Arnold Schwarzenegger and John Milius. What it lacks, though, is the film I remember. The collector's edition was re-edited with additional footage which drastically changed the feel of several of the best scenes in the film, and none of them for the better.

Unfortunate as this is, if your willing to search a little, you can still find a copy of the original February 1998 widescreen DVD release. This version's only special features are the original theatrical trailer, a few cast bio's and about a page worth of production notes. There is no commentary, no documentary, heck, the menus don't have animations or even sound, but it has the movie I love. It has the original, unaltered, unadulterated theatrical release just as we all remember it. Sure, the transfer isn't quite as clean as the 2000 release, but they actually transferred the film as it was seen in theaters in the 1998 release, without adding a bunch of scenes which were originally left on the cutting room floor for good reason.

I truly wish that movie companies would come to the realization that it is the movie and not all the crappy extras that is important on a DVD. Extras are nice, sure, but I would much rather have a unedited version of any film with no extras than a re-edited hodgepodge with a thousand extras. If Universal truly wants to put out a collectors edition of Conan the Barbarian, they should release a restored version of the original theatrical release, and not a bad re-edit with bonus tracks! George Lucas finally figured it out and released his 2-DVD limited editions of the original Star Wars films. Hopefully, Universal will take a que from this and give us the Conan we deserve.

The man of few words

I'm still not totally sure of what I was expecting from Conan, but I was quite disappointed in the end. I'm shocked that Arnie went on to become governor of California, cos with the standard of the film, I really wouldn't have expected Arnie to go onto bigger & better things.

My main problem with Conan, was it wasn't Arnie's best film, plus, it's just really a film to showcase his body isn't it? And he barely says more than a few lines during the entire film. I've been brought up on Arnie movies, and although this was a good film, I just prefer some of Arnie's later films. I just wish he would stop messing with being governor and get back to what he's good at! You can see throughout the film that Arnie has immense trouble holding a sword, and doing sword things with it, due the size of his arm & chest muscles.

The rest of the cast was quite good, although I did think the actress who played his mum at the beginning, was a rough-looking Bridgette Bardot! Hehe. I did think Sandahl Bergman, who played Valeria, was really pretty, and the relationship between her and Conan was outstanding, although he only speaks five words to her throughout the film! Their relationship does turn out to be quite bittersweet though, which is very sad, but I won't reveal too much about it, for those who haven't seen the film yet.

There's not much of a storyline to the entire movie, apart from getting revenge, and the beginning is a bit strange in my opinion. Pushing that wheel thing round and round, what happened to the rest of the children?

James Earl Jones is absolutely hilarious, but I don't think he was meant to be. He's very androgynous, and the wig is stupidly set too high, giving the impression he has a huge forehead.

Conan has a certain unique-ness to it, and it stands out from many other similar films out there. It's quite memorable as well, whereas I think if Arnie hadn't become a big star, then it might have been less so. Yes, I'll admit I don't particularly Conan, but I sat through it, and can still remember a lot of it. And it still survives against the special effects laden movies of today, with people with too much money, try to make up for the lack of storyline with too many special effects (hello Pirates Of The Caribbean Dead Man's Chest, I'm talking to you!). Conan manages with minimalist special effects and it works so much better.

I would recommend Conan to any Arnie fans out there, it's an excellent film, it just didn't do it for me. Now, where's Twins?! :)