Arnies Best

If Arnie had not done Terminator, but produced a collection of Conan stories instead I would have enjoyed it.
This is the definitive Conan, magic, superstition, myths all concocted around a fabled past. So very good.

Conan the Destroyer

Not bad for your typical cheesy 80's flicks. The picture and sound isnt remastered though. Ehhhh it's only 5 bucks.

Conan the Humorous

"Conan the Barbarian" was an awesome Sword and Sorcery film. That movie is one of the few well-produced high fantasy movies in existence. The expectations for this movie were high given the success of the earlier movie. It was probably inevitable that this sequel was not going to be as good as the original.

Conan has gone back to being a thief. He is doing yoga or contemplating a rock or something like that while his annoying cohort in crime Malak (Tracey Walter, "Annie Hall," "Midnight Run" and "Batman") is counting the spoils. Armored guys intent on some nefarious purpose surround the pair and attempt to capture them. Conan is annoyed at having his yoga interrupted and decides to show his displeasure by hacking apart quite a few of the armored guys until Bombaata (basketball great Wilt Chamberlain in his only acting role) has the armored guys cease throwing themselves on Conan's sword. We then discover that one of the armored guys is actually Queen Taramisu - no, wait, that is a dessert, I think. I meant Queen Taramis (Sarah Douglas, "Superman," "Superman II," and "Solarbabies"). Queen Taramis tells Conan that she can bring back Conan's beloved and dead Valeria if he will baby sit a hot blond while she seeks a phal...oops, I meant a HORN, which Queen Taramis needs to do something that we learn about later.

The rest of this movie is a relatively fun quest, interspersed with moments of humor. Conan gets drunk, ignores Princess Jehnna (Olivia d'Abo) because he is too busy killing people and thinking about Valeria, and tries to avoid having to think of witty one-liners. Grace Jones has a lot of fun as warrior Zula. Mako makes his second, marvelous appearance in a Conan film as the Wizard Akiro. One person who deserves mention is André the Giant's appearance as Dagoth. It is impossible to see André under the makeup. André made a more memorable appearance as Fezzik in "The Princess Bride."

This movie is flawed. The special effects are weak in some areas. Some of the acting is weak or obnoxious. The humor may have been excessive, and the rawness that marked the exuberance and honesty of "Conan the Barbarian" is lacking. In spite of these flaws, many of which appeared to help aim the movie toward teens and children, this movie has a lot going for it. Conan has a lot of non-stop action, and rarely does Conan take much of anything, except Valeria, serious. The outdoor sets are incredible. Conan wisely says little, relying on lots of facial expressions and bulky muscles instead. The action drives the plot and rarely gives a viewer time to focus on the flaws.

"Conan the Destroyer" is clearly inferior to "Conan the Barbarian." However, this movie is still a lot of fun and I enjoy it each time I watch it. The flaws in this movie may make the movie less than what it could have been, but the flaws are not enough to sink it. I give this movie a cautious recommendation to fans of the original, high fantasy, sword and sorcery, and Conan.

Enjoy!